"I'm grieving like all of us ... for all of us"

An email I received from a friend several days ago. Permission to post given.

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First of, let me apologize for the late reply. I read your email a few days ago, but the electricity cut as I was replying. I was exhuasted, and some things can only be written once.

As you know, my brother came to visit us and to say hi to our family's new addition, Nada's 3-week old daughter. He's still here with us, and thankfully his company back in England has been very understanding. We're trying to convince him to leave, but he doesn't want to. Although he gives the usual reasons, I think he wants to make us feel that dad is still alive. He used to sweep us up in his arms during the war, and would try to make us laugh, at least try to make us smile, in between the shellings. Maybe Nabil feels its his responsibility to do the same.

By the way, the new addition to our family is called Hala. I have this urge to cover her ears. What do you think will happen to her? Will she be affected by all this? If she could speak, what would she say? When she was born, all I wished for was that she would not go through what I had gone through. It's just not fair. I don't want her to become me.

I'm exhuasted. I know I'm here physically, but I feel disconnected. I'm grieving like all of us ... for all of us. I'm trying to cope, but most of the day I gaze out the window. I don't want to descibe the things I see to you. It pains me just to glance at them. Although I've been through this over and over again, it doesn't mean I can ever get accustomed to it. Who would have thought that I would never run out of tears?

It's time for lunch, and Nada is calling me, so I need to get going. Can you do me a favor though? When you write, don't mention this war. Don't mention the dead. Discuss anything you think may make me smile. I haven't smiled in the past two weeks.

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posted by Lazarus, 10:58 PM